Have you ever found yourself reacting strongly to certain situations without fully understanding why? Maybe an argument with a loved one quickly spirals, leaving you feeling ashamed. Or perhaps a seemingly harmless comment from your boss triggers an intense emotional response, leaving you confused.

Sound familiar? You're not alone! We all get triggered.

What is an Emotional Trigger?

An emotional trigger is anything—places, experiences, or interactions—that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood. Often, our triggers unconsciously remind us of past pain or trauma. Growing up, we inevitably experienced pain or suffering that we couldn't acknowledge or deal with properly at the time. As adults, we typically become triggered by experiences that are reminiscent of these old painful feelings. It's like the re-opening of an old wound that hasn't had the chance to heal.

Common Emotional Triggers:

• You might get angry when you think you are being told what to do if you felt controlled in the past.
• You might get anxious whenever someone isn't there for you if you had emotionally unavailable parents.
• You might panic when you are in a situation over which you have no control if you have a history of feeling helpless.
• You might feel intense sadness when you are excluded if your parents often ignored your needs.

When we experience a trigger, our body kicks off a complex process of self-protection that readies us for four possible actions: fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Our adrenaline spikes, and stress hormones like cortisol course through our bodies and brain. Once these stress hormones are released, we often lose touch with our healthy coping skills and react rather than respond.

How to Identify Your Emotional Triggers

Notice the Internal Shift
It's not always easy to recognise what triggered us. Our heightened emotions and dysregulated nervous system can make it difficult to pinpoint what exactly stimulated such a strong response. To identify your trigger, go back and try to find the moment when you went from “okay” to “not okay.” What felt upsetting? A comment from your dad? A story on the news? A text from a friend?

Name Your Feelings
Notice how you felt when you were triggered. Did you feel sad, anxious, scared, angry? How did you feel in your body? Can you identify the state of your nervous system?

Understand the Trigger
Get to the root of your triggers by asking yourself the following questions:

• When, in my life, have I experienced something like this before?
• What does it remind me of? Are the feelings familiar?
• What thoughts come with the emotions?
• Is there a specific event from my childhood that stirred up similar emotions?

Understanding your triggers is a delicate skill that often takes practice and is sometimes best done with the help of a therapist. It's important to be kind and patient with yourself—your triggers will be easier to spot if you approach them with curiosity and self-compassion rather than judgment.

How to Self-Regulate When You're Triggered

If triggers move us into survival mode, what can help us return to a regulated and calm state? These are known as 'glimmers,' a beautiful term coined by therapist and nervous system specialist, Deb Dana.

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They are experiences, interactions, or resources that help us feel calm and settled. They are moments of safety that help soothe the nervous system. Glimmers can be interactions with others, like a phone call with a friend or a hug from a loved one, or solo experiences, like walking in nature or watching your favourite TV show.

There is a wonderful sense of predictability that comes with knowing what our triggers and glimmers are. It can provide a map of our emotional landscape and help us feel more in control when the difficult moments happen. And It empowers us to harness our nervous system to work for us rather than against us.

When we understand how our nervous system works, we can change our mindset from 'this is how I am' to 'this is how I respond'. It's a subtle difference but a huge step towards becoming more self-aware and reclaiming our confidence.